Thursday, May 24, 2007

Excelling at Hypochondria

(Before you read, scroll down to the bungee-jumping picture below, guess who it is, and then continue....)

I don't want to brag, but one thing I excel at is being a hypochondriac.

Some people might say they are a hypochondriacs, but these are the people who simply go to WebMD to self-evaluate symptoms and then determine they have some kind of well-known Cancer.

True motivated hypochondriacs like me believe WebMD is useless. No, we go straight for the good stuff: literature meant only for doctors. I'm not satisfied with cheery information in laymans' terms. I need the facts.

I am probably one of the few people without a medical degree who knows what a digastric muscle is, where it's located and to which part of the body it refers pain. I've become fairly comfortable in my ability to investigate and understand diseases and conditions that scare the living heck out of me, but there is one area of medicine that still sends me into that downward spiral of despair: pharmaceuticals.

Pharmacists should never -- repeat: never-- give me those little inserts about what the drug I'm about to ingest might do or has done to four people in the past.

My husband Dustin gets a solemn look on his face any time I'm prescribed a new medication. That's because five doses into it, I'll still be asking him, "Do you think I'm allergic to this?" Sometimes I take the first dose of a medicine while the pharmacist watches. Just in case.

I'll give you a minute to get over laughing at me.

But in all seriousness, I get major anxiety about taking medicine. It's a control issue, I know. I've only been put under general anesthesia one time, and I was so afraid to give up control, the doctors said I talked until I was struck unconscious, and the last thing I said was: "Did I ever tell you guys that I've bungee jumped?"

Now, I know you'll be surprised to hear this, but I wasn't kidding about the bungee jumping. I've actually jumped 110 feet FOUR times.

So why can't I swallow an antibiotic without having an anxiety attack?

Well, perhaps I should back up and little and say that I didn't actually JUMP off the bungee platform. My brother pushed me. He called it shock therapy.

You see, some people will say I'm weak for my fears and anxiety, but when it comes right down to it, I think I might actually thrive on the challenge of overcoming fears.

Cheers [holding up my new bottle of antibiotics] to that!

Just in case you don't believe me that I bungee jumped (four times!), here's a photo:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

classic Sarah Smiley